You have been offered a position in Singapore, or have decided to move overseas by yourself. Great! The challenge is exciting and a whole new life awaits you. But... make sure you make the right choice! Living overseas also has its downsides and it is important that you know these and take these into consideration before you move. Expatriate life has its dark sides too.
To say moving to Singapore will expose you to culture shock is a bit over the top. There is no real hefty adjustment required when moving to Singapore, at least nowhere near the adjustment or culture shock you would experience when moving to countries such as Indonesia or Bangladesh.
That doesn't mean, however, that you may not have any problems acclimatizing. It is difficult to say what the elements of culture shock are, because what one person experiences as stressful, another experiences as colorful and interesting.
The truth is, with cheap phone calls, internet with web cams, tens of direct flights to Europe, USA and Australia per week and all at very affordable prices, the world has become a much smaller place. Especially compared to barely 20 years ago, when there were only a handful of flights a week, costing 3 times as much as they do now, no internet, and a phone call costing $7 per minute. Having said that, Singapore is still in Asia, and you are probably from Europe, the Americas or Australia/New Zealand. You will be thousands of kilometers away from your parents, siblings, extended family and all your friends. This is usually not a problem but there will be times when distance does become a problem. Your father may fall very ill, your grandmother may suddenly pass away, your best friend might call you in tears, telling you she's getting a divorce. Whatever the reason, there will be times when you want to go home. NOW! And that's not always possible.
Consider whether or not you have the financial means or will be earning enough to be able to afford a ticket home at any time. Every expat will find themselves in a situation where they must return home instantly, and not having money for a ticket in situations described above is a very painful situation.
Consider also that there will be many, many times when situations arise which are not urgent enough to go home for, but you would so much like to put your arm around your best friend's shoulder, or feel his/her arm around your shoulder. You will have to do without, you will have to share each other's sorrows and disappointments over the phone, and that's not always easy.
Also consider that, while you may not have a problem with the distance, other people might. If you have parents who are coming of age, they may have severe emotional problems with their child living so far away.
Consider that one of the main building bricks of friendships is sharing a common life. When you move overseas, you will no longer live the same life. You will start living a completely different life. You will live in a different culture, you will live in a bigger house, you will mingle with people from all nationalities on a daily basis, you will spend your weekend in places your friends can only dream of.
Consider that as the years go by, your life and that of your friends back home will drift apart. Friendships will loose their fire. Your friends cannot relate to your life and your experiences whereas you can no longer relate to theirs. They will have found new friends, have gone on to new activities, are talking about people you don't know. Most friendships will last forever, but consider that the form of that friendship will certainly change.
Ask yourself whether you let the feelings of your children, who will also leave all their friends behind, play a role in your decision making to move overseas.
This item is particularly important if you have children around 10 to 15 years old.
To move overseas as a child is an experience he or she will never forget and, for the best part, will work in his or her advantage for the rest of his or her life. Growing up overseas gives a child an edge that no other child back home has: exposure, much stronger ability to relativate, knowledge of different cultures and, if you are from a non-english speaking country, a superior command of the English language over any other child back home.
There is, however, a hidden backlash. The effects can be found in the vast majority of children who grew up overseas, worldwide. We don't know if there is an official name for this, but we call it the Expat Child Syndrome (ECS)
We are not scientists, but we do have loads of experience with expatriate life and other expatriates. What we describe here is not proven, but reflects our personal beliefs.
ECS comes in different forms and some children are affected by this more heavily than others, but some signs of ECS can be found in almost every child who grew up overseas at the age of (early) adolescence. During adolescence, all children undergo physical, psychological and emotional changes which have tremendous impact on them. This includes a series of very personal and embarrassing changes, such as the physical and emotional awareness of sexuality and development of group behaviour amongst peers. Children normally undergo these changes by comparing their own behaviour with that of their best friends. Friends (peers) probably play an even more important role in the forming of adulthood than parents do. However, kids do this only with friends they trust, friends they have had for a long time. When living overseas, friendships are usually short-term. You may have just moved here, or are about to move somewhere else, and if that's not the case, then your child's best friend will tell him/her tomorrow that he/she is going back to the USA. Either which way, friendships between expat children is often short-term and hence different from friendships between children who have lived in the same street all their lives. This has an impact on the child's development, too. The hard thing is that the symptoms of this difference usually don't unveil themselves until years later, when the child is around 18 years old and goes back home to start university or college.
When that happens, the child will suddenly be surrounded by peers who have know each other for years, who have not experienced the expat life, who cannot relate to what your child talks about and knows, or has seen. Furthermore, the other children have all gone through a normal adolescence with their friends, whereas your child has not. Your child will be different.
The vast majority of expat children from anywhere in the world have experienced this situation. This has resulted into many different manifestations of ECS, ranging from seclusion, (manic) depression, loneliness, fear for commitment towards a relationship, inability to 'fit in', heavy drinking or other addictions.
In most of these cases, the symptoms are temporary and will go away after a few years, but some expat children will continue experiencing problems in coping with social behaviour, be it with friends, in groups or with partners, in one way or another.
Consider, before you move, how attached you are to where you are now. While the upcoming move is new and exciting, you may say: ah what the heck, I won't miss home that much" but consider that you will be leaving everything behind: your family and friends, your house, your car, your habits, your sports club, your regular household brands, your culture, your street, your environment, ice-skating, snow, sitting by the fireplace, in many cases your language... everything. Be prepared for this, because you WILL start to miss it at one point or another (Boy, do I miss Jägermeister and wearing my favorite leather jacket!). Most people only think about this occasionally, but others miss it so much, they are literally sick. Homesick!
Homesickness is difficult to overcome. It's a bit like heartache: it only goes with time. Lots of time. The best advise we have heard: buy lots of chocolate and rent all episodes of "Sex and the City".
Nobody anticipates on loosing his/her job, but consider that, if you are from a country with social security, you may no longer be entitled to unemployment benefits in your home country if you loose your job while you are here. It is worth checking with your local authorities how that works. Does moving overseas (and hence, not contributing to local taxes) deprive you of your rights as far as social security is concerned?
Well, we hate to get into this subject and don't want to alarm anyone for no reason, but unfortunately, adultery is a problem in Singapore. Divorce lawyers in this region are doing good business from expats. For reasons unknown to us, western men simply have no shortage of attention from young, beautiful local girls. For many of these men, the temptation to take the bait is too big. If you have a shaky relationship or your husband has a history of cheating, you may want to consider this.
Well, it's no secret (no more, at least), single western women have a difficult time finding love and romance in Singapore. The fact is, most western women are not attracted to local men and, well, there simply aren't so many caucasian men here. Most caucasian men here are married and those who are not (or who don't take loyalty that seriously) are often more interested in local girls. If you are a single white female and want to move to Singapore, you may have to consider putting your priority for a deep and meaningful relationship on the back burner for a while. Having said that, there are many single women who did find the love of their life here. Difficult does not mean impossible. You may have to find different avenues to get there, like joining a dating website, but there are single western men here, and if you put your mind to it, they can be found. I am sorry to say, however, that I'm already taken.
The question remains: do these downsides outweigh the many advantages of living overseas? We think not.
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